F14; Kiki Day

February 14, 1975. That was the day she made her arrival on planet Earth, which is rather fitting; valentine's day- the day of “love” (ironically, neither of us really celebrated V-day - go figure)!

Kiwana Valesia Thomas Gayden was the personification of Love; she was a soul who possessed a depth of intelligence, a thirst for knowledge, and a sense of humor that are all very rare, but more substantial than all of those attributes was her soulful heart. She was as sensitive as she was loving; she could cry at the drop of a dime (sometimes at the most inopportune times), but the balance to that was her ridiculous, unfiltered sense of humor and ability to make everyone in her presence feel special and loved. She granted me the immense honor of being the protector of her body, mind and heart; it was a task that I took very seriously, though it rarely seemed like a task at all, for the task and her presence always brought me great joy.

Her thirst for knowledge and gift of creativity led her to becoming a jewelry artisan, bath and body product maker, yoga practitioner/instructor, an award winning poet, and a master chemist (She actually had even begun work a PhD program in nuclear chemistry). Her intestinal fortitude made her excel at all of these things. Her sense of humor made her an absolute blast to be around, even in the midst of all of these endeavors, but the thread through all of these things was, indeed, her heart. It made her a beloved leader in her professions, It fueled all of her creative efforts, and it was the rocket fuel for her becoming a Warrior in the fight against Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC).

Life for us had Its fair share of challenges and difficulties, but we enjoyed our Beautiful, joy-filled time together. Among those challenges were typical relationship and fertility issues, as many couples experience, and we met these challenges by focusing on health, both mental and physical. As for the fertility issues, I admittedly did just enough to improve my part of the equation, But Kiki took this challenge very seriously, becoming intensely dedicated to improving her health through nutrition and exercise; she even became an avid half-marathon runner.

This made the news of her inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) diagnosis so unexpected. As I prepared to support her in this battle (having experience being my mother's Treatment partner as she dealt with cancer also), I figured it would be a private fight that we would just wage together. Little did I know, that magnanimous heart of hers would beckon her to become a fierce advocate for IBC awareness, sharing her personal journey with those who were also battling and with anyone who would listen. Her scientific mind allowed her to digest complex information about cancer and its treatment, and share this in a way that people could understand. I witnessed her lending her humor, knowledge and strength to help others who were having a difficult time navigating their cancer treatment journeys. She became an active board member of the IBC Foundation, attending conferences, public speaking engagements and contributing written articles on behalf of that organization and Independently.

Unfortunately, the story did not end the way we wished. The day that we got married was absolutely and undoubtedly the single best moment of my life; holding her hand as she took her last breath in the wee hours of July 12, 2018 was the absolute worst…There are levels to the devastation and grief of losing her that, to this day, are still unfolding in my head and heart, but I wouldn't trade my time with her, good or bad, for anything in the world!

These words can't begin to paint the entire picture of who she was, but hopefully they will give people an inspiring glimpse of a beautiful spirit whose life ended far, far too soon. It is my hope that one day, story-endings like this will be a thing of the past, due to the intellectual brilliance, inimitable soul, infinite creativity and indefatigable labor of countless thinkers just like her.

Godspeed and God's love to all fighting this and any other battle you may be experiencing. Please know that love and light are always victorious in the end…